adapted version of the best thing I ever wrote on a message board

in the 5+ years I been clean
I have seen more friends die then I have fingers and toes
I have lost my Mom and My Dad (to natural causes)
I barely make it month to month with all my bills
I have lost relationships due to being a arrogant angry asshole

and guess what
using drugs will not bring my mom or my dad back
they will not make a high paying job magically appear
they will not make the people who’s relationship I permanently destroyed return even after I made proper amends
and they will not make me happy point blank

you know what makes me happy
knowing that today I am somewhat the person I want to be
I am a man of honor
I have people in my life who truly love me for who I am
I am privileged to actually have met some of you people in person
but almost have mush built a really dope e-family
that actually has my back and I know I would ride out for any of my real internet peoples in real life if I could
and really appreciate and have enjoyed it
I make jokes and I can actually smile and enjoy them
I have feelings good and bad and learn from them instead of shoving them down my throat

today I know for me
I am a recovering addict
that if I personally use any mind or mood altering substance
that I will start to make bad decisions
slowly or fast eventually
for me it ends in the same place
jails institutions or death
and can even worse
lead to destitution or dereliction
being so fucked up
that I might not find my way back to
my recovery roots in the 12 step program I utilize (NA)
or just a peaceful happy life that I sometimes am able to enjoy

I will end this bible of a post with this

I have said it once and I will say it again
these statements are for me alone
I don’t have a problem with you doing drugs you can make your own decisions right?
I don’t think weed is bad in moderation
it can be enjoyable although for me it ended in me having panic attacks every time I smoked it
I don’t think a good craft beer or fine whiskey were awful
I used to enjoy a mixed drink
until every time I drank I wanted to use some kind of stimulant
until I didn’t enjoy them anymore
and they just made me want to REALLY get faded one thing ALWAYS led to another for me
but cocaine and speed and heroin
ARE the devil point fucking blank
I speak from my own stupid ass experience but I stand by that statement
using opiates for any extended period of time WILL grab you by the boo boo
but if you can uses needle drugs
and/or opiates in sort of recreational capacity
for any extended period of time
I guess good for you
you are one in a million
and/or are superman

moving on
I have personal experience with all these things
and the fact that I am clean does not make me better or worse than anyone
what it makes me is clean and in recovery
I try my best to be a positive and loving person and I fail a lot lol…
I know for me that drugs don’t work anymore
and if drugs are the anwer what was the question?

my last thing is this
the question I get more than anything else is this
“hey man I think I’m partying/drinking/smoking/whatever too much do you think I got a problem?”

my patented response is this

if you are thinking about your partying enough that you have to go outside yourself for the answer …
you might have an problem..
I don’t know how to decide that for anyone
if you think you might have a problem
I can share what has worked for me .. or not
I don’t care about people who aren’t interested in helping themselves anymore or who wanna make excuses

some people are addicts some aren’t some people use drugs some don’t

this blog is in honor of nasty nate I love you and miss you everyday homie



2 Responses to “adapted version of the best thing I ever wrote on a message board”

  1. Jessup Rupp Says:

    Nate was my brother. I don’t mean from another mother… I married his sister. I got in a lot of trouble with Nate, nothing I would ever take back. Legal or not they were some of the best times of my life. I have no regrets other than I wish I could have done the same for him that he was able to do for other people. I could go on but, I won’t. I’m not the best at expressing my self in words. I just wanted to extend my gratitude for what you took the time to write. With any luck it helps or sheds some light on someone who may need a little light.


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